My husband, Michael, and I are married for a little over six years. This is actually my second marriage. I was shocked too!
My first marriage lasted for 13 years. When I entered that marriage, I didn’t intend to get divorced. Unfortunately, we grew apart and couldn’t make it work. We are better apart.
While I’d like to say it was completely his fault, it wasn’t. We were both to blame. There were things we both could have done a lot better throughout our marriage.
Here are six lessons I’ve learned from my first marriage. There are many, many, many more. Lessons that I use every day to keep my current marriage a happy one. But I’m not going to get all preachy here so I’ll give you six (6 for the 6 years I’ve been married to Michael).
I hope you’ll find these helpful in your relationship.
1. Believe your spouse has your best interest in mind
Your spouse is usually your best friend. Here’s the thing about best friends, they always have your best interest in mind. They are not out to get you or out to maliciously cause you harm. Sometimes they might have to tell you something that might hurt your feelings. Remember that with your spouse.
They do love you. They are your partner. Believe they only have your best interest in mind. Because you don’t look good in one outfit doesn’t mean you look horrible. It doesn’t mean they don’t think you’re hot.
It means that outfit sucks not you!
2. Don’t be afraid to share minor details
Things get so hectic in life, we have a tendency to glaze over details and only discuss major topics. Intimacy is in the details. Knowing and sharing the little things will make your relationship stronger. Be willing to share and even more willing to listen.
3. Have outside interests (this does not include your kids!)
Don’t condemn yourselves to a life that consists only of work, the kids, and home problems. Boring. If you both have hobbies or interests outside of those parts of your life, you will be more interesting and have more interesting things to share!
This is a great one because it not only makes your relationship stronger, it makes you a better, happier person. Give it a try!
4. Have sex
Yep! You read it right. It’s important. It can get so difficult when you have little kids. They are time-consuming and exhausting. I know. Trust me, I know! But, you must make time for sex. You must have that level of intimacy.
It’s probably the first thing to go and one of the most important. It leads to all kinds of other good things on both sides. You must make it a priority.
5. Go away without the kids
This one is tough. You might not have overnight babysitters at your disposal but if you do, please go away without your kids.
Time alone, really alone (like on a trip) gives you both a sense of renewed focus on each other. There is no one else there trying to get your attention.
You get to decide things based solely on what two adults would like to do. It’s liberating.
Finally, you will miss your kids and they will miss you. There is nothing like returning home to your kids.
6. Always remember, you are partners (especially when raising the kids)
You and your spouse are a team. You might think you can take care of the baby better. And, maybe you do – in fact, you do. Great, but guess what? It really doesn’t matter.
The baby grows and new situations occur all the time. You might be perfect now but in the future, you partner might be able to better handle the situations. You need your partner to help you through those experiences and they need you for the same thing.
Don’t treat them like an idiot. It’s not nice, it’s doesn’t make them feel good, and (you know) it doesn’t make you feel good either.